2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
