please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
