Having a random hookup so left but love u
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
