Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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