friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
