i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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