Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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