sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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