I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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