The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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