get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
