pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
