Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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