Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
God, I missed his penis.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
