I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
