I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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