I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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