so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
