I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We need to get me chipped asap
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
