Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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