She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
