im holly from the hills drunk
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
