I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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