i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
