the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
where are my eyebrows?
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