You don't have asthma, your pregnant
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
