It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
