my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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