Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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