you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she smelled like a LAN party
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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