so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
