he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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