and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
