so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That reminds me...we need to get swords
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Randomize
