so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
