I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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