I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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