As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
