I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize