the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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