Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm really busy with my period
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