I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
