don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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