I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
