you guys were way drunker than both of me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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