he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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