So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
