I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
