I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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