Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
