The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
