don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
