I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
