so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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