remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.