And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
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OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.