I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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