They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
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I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!