Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers

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(516): You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers http://tfl.nu/mh21

Replies (8) Good night (817) Bad night (3819)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

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(610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86

Replies (30) Good night (1414) Bad night (13006)
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(530): View more from California

My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.

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(530): My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/pzgc

Replies (13) Good night (3906) Bad night (1231)
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(817): View more from Texas

Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!

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(817): Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?! http://tfl.nu/9bqy

Replies (10) Good night (2002) Bad night (779)
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(916): View more from California

Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.

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(916): Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On. http://tfl.nu/kp7b

Replies (5) Good night (3634) Bad night (680)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day

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(859): By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day http://tfl.nu/zi65

Replies (2) Good night (1268) Bad night (527)
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(509): View more from Washington

Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game

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(509): Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game http://tfl.nu/0fm6

Replies (3) Good night (1009) Bad night (637)
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(269): View more from Michigan

We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.

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(269): We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him. http://tfl.nu/ojms

Replies (0) Good night (858) Bad night (441)
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(510): View more from California

You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.

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(510): You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us. http://tfl.nu/8vs9

Replies (7) Good night (606) Bad night (749)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA

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(931): I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA http://tfl.nu/jla7

Replies (2) Good night (901) Bad night (319)
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(517): View more from Michigan

And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.

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(517): And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you. http://tfl.nu/j63g

Replies (12) Good night (976) Bad night (533)
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(303): View more from Colorado

New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...

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(303): New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later... http://tfl.nu/qijg

Replies (4) Good night (938) Bad night (278)
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(815): View more from Illinois

My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.

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(815): My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life. http://tfl.nu/xtl1

Replies (0) Good night (827) Bad night (217)
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(206): View more from Washington

Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.

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(206): Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary. http://tfl.nu/o05e

Replies (1) Good night (237) Bad night (417)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.

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(774): so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/ddu7

Replies (4) Good night (732) Bad night (191)

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