Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.