I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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