I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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