I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
