Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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