need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
