u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
