I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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